There comes a day when you realise your parents are now old. I know that's such a flat statement, and such an unhappy statement, but it's also a true statement.
I've been watching my parents slowly grow old and decline in their faculties for the last couple of years. It comes to us all, but I think it's doubly sad to see it creep up on the persons you love. I am incredibly lucky that both my parents are still alive, and so are Neil's. Most of my friends have lost one or both of theirs. It makes me aware that every minute I spend with them is precious, and I need to make lots of wonderful memories. That sounds so morbid, but I don't mean it to be. I want to capture the sound of their voices, the laughter, the arguments, the home I love and put it in my mind forever.Today I saw again how they are that bit more frail than a month ago, that bit more forgetful. We very often have the same conversation on one day that we had a couple of days before. Dad said today that my cousin had jokingly gone and bought some stuff in case Brexit caused problems , but he'd already told us that on Saturday, and once before that. We hear the same things about the same people a few times, and they ask the same questions a lot of the time. But all this is in amongst conversations about their now quite compact ad sometimes mundane, lives, and I know they look forward to our visits. I stress time and time again to my sons that they need to keep in contact with their grandparenst as often as possible because one day, one day, they wont be able to see them. It's a harsh fact that the day is coming, hopefully in some years yet, that my paremts wont be here. They are both 82 years old, longevity is in both sides of the families, but time is moving swiftly on.
Every now and again I get a terribly scare moment at the thought of a future without my parents. I know most people get that feeling and I feel it's so important to make the time we have now with them precious. Don't live for 'what if's' and 'when's' but have the 'now's'! Saying that, I am planning for their 60th wedding anniversary towards the end of March. As neither of them are physically well they just want the immediate family to come round for a special lunch. I wish we could have all the extended family in a hall and have a huge celebration, but it's not what they want. I am covertly messaging everyone to ask if they would send a card. I am also organising a card from the Queen! I didn't know you could get one until I spoke to a customer at work last year,and I thought what a lovely idea and surprise. I am going to order a cake this weekend, and sort out placing a celebration announcement in the local paper. It's quite an occasion and I will make sure a lot of photos and videos are taken on the day too.
Because I research a lot of our family history I have made sure I try to write down all the little stories my parents tell me for the future. A lot of my mother's memories seem to focus on her youth in Germany during World War Two, and the years just after as she met my father and came to England. She has some very strong memories, and I love to hear what she speaks about. My German grandfather was an important person in their village and they had to entertain a lot of people. He had a big house as my grandfather was an architect. They had to let high ranking officials stay as well as soldiers, and keep an immaculate home. Mum says she remembers people begging at their doors, and my grandmother givig them food but telling my mother she had to tell no one about it or they would get into serious trouble. Mum has told me about the death of her 17 year old brother fighting the Russans, and of her 16 year old brother being a British prisoner of war. I am fascinated by it all as her experience was so different from my father's. By all accounts he had a breeze during the war as our area didn't suffer that much with bombing. He would go off for days on end camping by the river, doing his own thing. He had a ball, and actually tells me he cant remember much going on apart from days of fun. I suppose that's good for him but I am sure that my English grandparents would have told me that it was harder than my father remembers. How wonderful for him to remember an idilic childhood, and I feel sad that my mother didn't quite have that.
So for now Neil and I keep a close eye on my parents. We have already had a number of conversations about us moving in with them if things get difficult. My father is definitely getting a bit forgetful, and I just hope it's old age rather than something like dementia. But if it is dementia, we will deal with it when/if it happens. Mum is poorly with her neuralgia and diabetes, but otherwise is upbeat and keeps my dad together! All in all we are so lucky to be able to spend as much time with them as we do. It's a privilege to do so, and I intend to do it for a long time to come...…….
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-diagnosis/how-dementia-progresses/early-stages-dementia?gclid
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/how-dementia-progresses/normal-ageing-vs-dementia
https://www.which.co.uk/later-life-care/carers-and-caring/reassessing-care-needs?
https://www.ageuk.org.uk
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