Years ago, when there were huge articles in the newspapers about care homes and nursing homes and the abuse and horror some people had suffered in them (still happens sadly), my parents and Neil and I had a big conversation about it all. I assured them that this would never happen to them, because Neil and I would move in with them to give support when they needed it. Neil and I discussed it at length and decided that was the best and easiest idea to do, and then, like you do, it was put to the back of our minds. Now mum has made that comment I am worried they need our help more than they are letting on. I know the time has been coming when we would have to look at their situation, and move in, but for some reason I thought that was a while off. Maybe not?
So now, if I am totally honest, I am actually scared. Scared because the logistics of moving in with my parents will be hard and it will, again if I am being frank, be a huge change for Neil and me. Our lives will be different, and not as easy as it is now. I am aware that sounds really selfish, sorry. Not only that but we have four fairly young cats and they live in doors, and are very definitely not worldly wise or have any road sense. How to keep them inside at my parents house with a father who forgets mum is in the garden, even though he has walked past her to go in to the house, locks the back door, and then pops out to the paper shop leaving her stuck in the garden, is something I really haven't wanted to think too deeply about before now. I did say that we could 'cat proof' the garden using a company called Protectapet, but they have garages and trees and all sorts that the cats can climb on and leave the garden, and a big main road running at the end of their road three houses along. How silly is it for me to worry about that ,when my worry should be what made my mum mention what Uncle Keith said?
Do they need us to move in now? Has that time come? Are they struggling more than they have said? I know my parents haven't wanted to ask us for too much help since Neil was diagnosed with anxiety and Diverticulitis, but maybe they have been hiding some problems? My dad's Prostate cancer PSA count results last week were really low, so I know he is still in remission. Mum seems to be coping with dad being slightly forgetful, and the house doesn't look too bad. Yes there are things that need doing. A new carpet in mum's bedroom. The hallway needs decorating and the garden needs looking at, but it's all cosmetic. I don't know how we will sort out sleeping arrangements as mum and dad have separate rooms, as do Neil and I right now (see previous posts), but I suppose that's all little things compared with the fact I need to sit down and have a proper talk to my parents. Neil and I need to really have a look at what moving in with my parents would entail, and look at storage costs for furniture. I need to get prepared now so we don't get caught out. I mean, Neil and I did discuss that if it came to it I would move in with my parents, and he would come for meals but still sleep at our house while we sort out a probably, possible situation. That would not be an ideal situation, so I need to knuckle down and start preparing for this potential scenario. Writing all this down has helped me to realise I need to do some research and preparation in the next couple of weeks, rather than keep pushing it to the back of my mind. Preparation is everything! I'll come back to this...……..
http://sixtyandme.com/what-to-do-when-your-aging-parents-need-help-7-steps-to-get-started/
https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/warning-signs-that-elderly-parent-needs-help-138989.htm
https://www.which.co.uk/later-life-care/housing-options/sharing-a-home/pros-and-cons-of-sharing-a-home-a4c8s8w84dzf
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/
https://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/money/personal-finance/care/caring-for-elderly-relative
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