I am an early riser and Neil always was the same , mainly because his work start time was 6am. It's the best time of the day to me and I relish the peace and quiet. One of the frustrating things....to me.....about Neil being off work with his anxiety and diverticulitis, has been what I have perceived as a new habit. He hasn't been getting up until about 8am. Now in the beginning I thought it was just because he needed the sleep to recuperate, but then, I confess, it started to irritate me. I wondered how he would cope if he had to get up early again when he got a job? How would he manage to get out of this habit of going to bed late and getting up late?
Well I was all wrong I am ashamed to admit. I cant remember how it came up in a conversation but we ended up discussing the mornings and how we had slept the night before. As I've said before, because of the problems I have with the sciatica in particular recently, and then Neil being restless at night due to the anxiety, we have ended up sleeping in separate beds. Neither of us like it particularly but there is no doubt we sleep better. In fact the other night Neil managed to stay in our normal 'marital' bed and I didn't sleep a wink because I felt disturbed by him being here. What an appalling situation we are in now! I know a lot of people have separate bedrooms and beds but we never intended to do so.
Anyway in this conversation Neil explained to me that he was generally awake from around 5.30am, drifting in and out of sleep. He always hears me get up, even though I try to be quiet, but lets me have my morning time to myself. He said he knew how important this hour or so of quiet and 'me time' is to me, and he didn't want to disturb me. I was, and still am, touched by his thoughtfulness because he is so right. I do need this quiet morning time. I feed the cats and they go back upstairs to lie on my bed. I potter about for a few minutes, make a cup of black coffee and go and sit and listen to the news. Sometimes I even meditate for ten minutes or so. I like to get ready for the day by myself and until he mentioned it, I hadn't really thought about what it means to me. It's really important. Sometimes Chester cat comes and has a cuddle with me. Sometimes I check up a few things on the computer. Sometimes I write this blog. But what is important is that I am by myself for a little while to 'gather my thoughts and prepare for the day'.
It made me realise that, in amongst Neil's stress and bad times, he still was thinking of me and that has touched me beyond belief. Even in his darkest times he still wanted me to have this 'me' time. He is an amazing man to understand what I need even as he had his breakdown. It also made me realise that the lack of communication gave me the wrong idea. I thought he was staying in bed for other reasons. Laziness even. How wrong was I, and how cross I feel with myself. I should have just asked him why he was getting up so late but instead I was, I admit, too nervous to question him purely because of the stress he was under. I thought I would be adding to it. I've learnt my lesson....again. Communication is all things. It is so important, and you cannot underestimate how a lack of it can cause all sorts of problems. This is just a simple example, but in the wider greater picture lack of communication has caused a breakdown of relations between governments, countries and even caused wars.
It's one of the most important things in life. Animals do it, plants do it, insects do it, and we do it, all in our different ways. Keep the lines of communication open and you will rarely have a misunderstanding.
Communication
Communication is the act of conveying meanings from one entity or group to another through the use of mutually understood signs, symbols, and semiotic rules.
https://oureverydaylife.com/avoid-lack-communication-relationship-25752.html
http://www.yourthoughtpartner.com/blog/7-ways-to-help-fix-poor-communication-in-the-workplace
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