The passing of wind in public :-( Enough said.

Do I pass wind in front of my husband? Should you pass wind in front of your husband or partner or family or friends? Does it matter if you do?

Questions, questions! Let's start with me first. No, never. Well not if I can help it. That's just for me though, as I realise for other people it's not a matter of importance or even interest. I realised that when one of my sons brought home his new girlfriend who happily burped loudly in front of us from day one. Well, you know, that's not how I was brought up so initially I raised my eyebrows but said nothing. Eventually I got to know her well enough to tease her about it, and do you know what...….she stopped doing it. 

Now this is a really personal thing. Personal to me, and personal to everyone. I am sure most people wonder why it matters and if it should matter at all. But you know this is all about manners to me. Yes, yes , I may be coming across as awfully old and stuffy, but it is also about a little bit of respect for people close to you, physically or otherwise. That is what I think. 

Both sets of my grandparents were very well mannered people. My mother's parents entertained a lot and were very 'high up' in their village, very respected. You didn't burp or fart (eeeuuughhhh) in front of people, and if you didn't do that, then you didn't do it in front of your family either. Of course sometimes you couldn't help it but a polite 'pardon' or 'pardon me' was acceptable. Dad's family struggled with money but I always remember them as also being considered very well brought up. They always said please and thank you, said pardon me!, and basically behaved in a refined manner. Maybe they had asperations beyond their means, but it was all about how you presented yourself to other people. I've rarely heard my mother and father pass wind, and indeed as my mother has got older she has a little 'wind' problem due to medication but will rapidly race out of a room on the odd occasion, and we all know why. She is mortified if it happens in front of any of us. For her, a lady doesn't do that, full stop. I'm trying to think of if I have ever heard my father burp. Nope, I cant think of an occasion although I'm sure he has. Maybe just in front of his mates. But you never did it in front of ladies. He certainly never did, or does, in front of us females as far as I am aware. 

Neil was in the army when I met him. A hive of male burping and farting and all sorts went on. He rapidly realised we didn't do it as a family when I suggested (nicely I hasten to add) he put his hand in front of his mouth when he burped. In fact he has changed so much with regard to this, that he moans at his father and brother who do it when we are there now. Is it important to me? Not in the grand scheme of things, but I do feel it is politeness and manners. Do manners matter? Yes they do. Whether you realise it or not people judge you every day on how you behave. Their perception of you is based on what you do. I have been called 'a lady' by many a person even though I am most definitely not (little do they know). First impressions matter. If you burp and fart at home or in front of your mates all the time, you will forget one day and do it in front of someone you will regret, be that a new boss, a new girlfriend/boyfriend , or their mother 😁. They may not behave like that., and you have just shocked them. Gosh I sound so judgemental but I don't mean to be.

I like the fact that people view me as 'a lady'. Even when I used to muck about and be with the boys when I was younger, I still was regarded like that, and I maybe that was why I was always treated with respect. That is such a big statement to make and don't get me wrong,  I can look after myself just fine, but it is nice to be considered refined.  Maybe it shouldn't matter if you burp or fart like that, as everyone should be treated with respect, but I am actually talking about something different. About what I personally think is polite in company. I will mention that it's a good job they don't see me in all my accident prone glory some days. I jolly well don't look like a lady sometimes!! Anyway all this may not be important to some people, and even reading this some people may wonder why on earth I am even writing about this, but a centuries old phrase comes to mind...….'Manners maketh a man'. Just don't ask me about families that walk about naked in front of each other!

https://www.importantindia.com/23792/manners-maketh-man/

Why doesn't the hair colour on the box look like that on my hair?

In my dreams I have red wild flowing locks just like those adverts you see on social media. 

You know, the ones where the person's hair is all glossy and shiny, and those fabulous multi colours underneath. Or maybe pretty pinks and purple colours entwinned in the hair. Bah, not a hope. For years now I have coloured my hair, and to be quite frank I haven't a clue what my true natural colour is now. I know from photos it used to be a light brown but I've messed about with it for a long long time. 

When I first started to have my hair coloured it was the fashion to have highlights, so those blond streaks got placed carefully around my head. It was the days of harsh white highlights, and after a while you end up with a hair of white because of the highlights being done so often. When I met Neil I wasn't quite white haired, but it was pretty close. All curly permed and white haired, like many a girl was at that time. I look back at those photos in humorous amazement. What did I do! Then I had a hairdresser friend who worked on the side doing home visits. He toned the white down and put red and gold highlights through. Very radical for that time. By then I'd had a range of hairstyles too. This was my shortest hair stage rising on the crown and flicked back at the sides. I know it suited me and yeah I was at my slimmest for a long time too. I look back at photos and I like how I look. I've never managed to gain that time back. My hair has been long and short and shoulder length and sometimes a mix of all. 

You know when you think you can diy colour your hair? Well it never really works does it? I have been doing it for a while. I tried to do my own highlights and in spite of some new products where you can literally paint on the product it never really looked good, so now I am on to the block colour. Which brings me to my question, why doesn't my hair colour ever turn out like the colour on the box? I am sighing as I write this. I know the answer of course. The colour on the box is what you will look like if you have natural hair being coloured, and there is always that breakdown of what the end result will look like depending on your actual colour. My hair is coloured, multiple times, so it never will look like the colour on the box. I live in hope. I can't have those pink streaks either because, for a start, I think I will look daft at almost sixty (maybe not?), and also because I will have to have the colour striped out of my hair in sections first, before going pink. In my dreams! 

Over Christmas I used a hair colour that was called 'chocolate pink' and it gave my hair that cool glow I wanted, but under my colouring my hair is actually quite grey now and so the pinky bits faded quickly. That's another thing, while I am on about it all...….how come my roots show so quick now. Is my hair growing faster than it used to? Does the colour not last as long? Am I using the wrong shampoo? What's going on? I used to colour my hair every six to eight weeks, but now it needs the roots doing around the four week mark! That's why I cant afford to get it done professionally. I do have one of these super spray thingies that you can use on to colour the roots and it washes out. Pity I've managed to spray my top a few times!

Anyway two weeks ago I decided I would go back to a colour I used a while back. Called 'frosted chocolate' I thought it was a red hue. Nope, my hair is far far too dark, a shock after using the pinky chocolate for three months. I know the red shades suit me well. I've tried one of those weird apps that show you what you would look like with various hair colours. I also know Neil likes my hair red. But I've been there and done it before. I've been a vivid glow in bright red which I hastily toned down the following day after catching site of myself in a mirror. Bright? It was almost neon. 

One day I will get it right. One day I will be happy with my colour. I have a picture in my head, but whether I will get there is another thing. I suppose part of this is because, right now, our financial position means I need to just go with the cheap flow regarding my hair. I haven't had it cut for a couple of months, and the diy colouring is which colour I can afford. I don't feel sorry for myself as it's all fine, though I do feel a woman likes to feel happy with herself and how your hair looks is part of that a lot of the time. Neil would be mortified if he realised I'm not getting my hair cut, but I feel even £20 is too much right now. I am not going to stop the colouring of my hair though. I will afford that. It's a step too far for me to grow out the grey, and obviously I cant afford to get it graduated in. 

But how exciting is my future (tongue firmly in cheek)? I mean, Neil never knows what colour I'm going to be. I don't even know what colour I'm going to be. I look in the mirror and think, is that me? What a crock! 

Be 'special'.

Memo to self - Try not to sneeze just after you have applied mascara!

What a start to my morning. I began using waterproof mascara a few years back when I had such bad anxiety attacks trying to get back to driving that I would cry copious amounts. Rather than looking like some day of the dead person, with rivulets of black running down my cheeks, I preferred to keep some small part of my dignity at least. It's bad enough that I would end up with a bright red nose full of snot. Some girls look beautiful as they sob, with their eyes all bright with tears, making gentle sniffle and hiccup noises. Not me. I have the full blown purple face, eyes swollen and puffed up and a sore nose from blowing it. Not a pretty sight I can tell you! So that's why I wear waterproof mascara all the time. Sadly that makes not one scrap of difference if you sneeze after you have just applied it. You still end up looking like a panda, or someone who is going for the 'goth look'. What's worse is that waterproof mascara is harder to remove, so trying to get the smudges off without removing all the stuff on your lashes using your super waterproof mascara remover, is a job and a half. It happens to me far too often for my liking.

I think I must be prone to doing daft things, or having daft things happen to me. I have applied hairspray to my underarms instead of deodorant. Memo to self - try to buy different coloured sprays to identify them more easily. Saying that, I have also sprayed deodorant...…..and furniture polish (and no I don't know how that happened!)…...on my hair. Ditto the previous memo, plus making sure the polish is also in a different coloured can. I have also squeezed shampoo in my eye as I have looked down the opening to check whether there is any in the bottle. Ermm, oh yes, and I have coughed while taking a tablet and projected it across the table, hitting Neil's face smack on. I am also the person that will slip in a muddy field, and when trying to walk away will leave a shoe behind stuck in said mud. I will start the food mixer just after putting flour in a bowl, making the most amazing fountain of white powder puff up in the air over every surface, including (of course) the floor and me. I'll be wearing black naturally. I really should have learnt by now to wear an apron when I cook. I will be the person to drop a fork, spoon, knife, ladle, whisk, anything, in the cat water bowl scaring the cats shitless, and making the whole surrounding area sopping wet. I am that person.

I would love to be suave and sophisticated, and swan through life looking and behaving immaculately, but that's just not how I am. Someone once said to me that I have a particular 'specialness'. I think it's more likely to be sheer clumsiness or 'doesn't watch what she is doing enough ness', but hey ho. When things like this happen I tell Neil that he would be so bored if I behaved and did everything right. He lives an exciting life never knowing what I will do, or get up to. I think he is very, very lucky. I'm not so sure Neil thinks he is, but he does spend a fair amount of his time either with his eye brows raised to the ceiling when I do something weird or sniggering behind his hands. Cant be bad can it? 

Why be boring. Be special instead 😀😁😀

PS I made a smiley face with my medication! 

Why do men wear shorts in February?

The sun is out and so are the shorts. Not mine, you understand. Nope. It seems that the minute the sun appears a lot of men think it's time to get their shorts on. 

The fact that it is just coming up to the end of February doesn't make a scrap of difference. Nor does the fact that yesterday it was the warmest February day on record. We are basking in a mini heat wave at an unusual time of year, but that still doesn't mean those shorts should be on! 

What is it about men and shorts? Short shorts, long shorts and in between shorts. It doesn't matter because the sun is shining so they need to be on. Yesterday the men came out in summer clothes while the women all shrugged off their coats, but still left their cardigans on. You see women are a little more cautious. Yes, sure, it's a warm day, but it's still February. Okay the daffodils are out and the birds are confused, but it's still February and Winter in the UK. Next week we could have snow!! 

Big no no's for men......please do not wear short shorts in the supermarket. It's totally not nice and you will freeze your butt off in the chiller aisle. Please do not wear white socks with those sandals. It's totally not cool. Actually please do not wear sandals in February. It's February you know? Actually please do not wear socks with shorts. If it's warm enough for shorts it's warm enough to go without socks. Oh and please don't wear vests with shorts. A good casual shirt or a smart t-shirt looks good, but vests? Nope. Oh and lastly, white legs and shorts? Difficult one. Just a small tip.....if you have white leg's don't wear pale shorts, and most especially not white shorts!

Now don't worry, this was just a humorous piece. If you feel comfortable then wear what you want, within reason of course. Any nudity or near nudity off the beach is definitely not appropriate. But we are lucky now because, in spite of what the clothing manufacturers will have you think, anything goes. We are not dictated by what is 'fashionable' any more. Your own personal style and fashion let's you be who you want to be. It takes the pressure off everyone to 'conform' to a fashion. Be yourself, be happy and wear shorts even if it's February!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-47360952

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/guide-to-shorts/

The sadness of years passing by.....

A couple of times in the year, as I grow older, I feel a little bit depressed. It's not like normal depression or anxiety. It's more like a mourning! 

One is at New Year. I've had some amazing memorable New Year's. I've had fun, I've been to parties, I've been outside cheering in the next year, I've been with people I love, and so much more. But as I get older I can't be bothered to go out anymore. The pubs charge a huge inflated amount. If you go to a party one of you has to be a designated driver or you pay an extortionate amount for a taxi after midnight. The fireworks keep me awake and upset the cat's. And, most of all, it's another year gone. Another year when my parents are older. Another year gone where Neil and I haven't won the lottery (ha ha). Another year when I'm still fat, grey haired and not living the dream. Gosh, I sound like a grumpy old lady don't I? But as you get older you honestly realise the years speed away, and your life is racing by, without you being able to slow it down. You would think that you would make a huge effort to have each day meaningful and wonderful, savouring it,  but daily life just gets in the way. I wish I was one of those positive upbeat people who can look on the bright side all the time, but I'm not. Sometimes my daily life grinds me down, and I suspect it's like that with a few people. 

The same thing happens as Spring appears. Now I know that is daft to a lot of people, but today I woke up with a bit of sadness. The last couple of days have been glorious. We have had blue skies and mild sunny weather once the mists have disappeared. It's been like an early Spring, and the daffodils are in bloom already. The tweeting birds woke me up this morning. I love the dawn chorus especially when the early mornings are beautiful and warm, but Spring appearing always gives me a lump in the throat. I feel a bit sad. I adore Winter and the crisp cold weather. I hate the rain and wind, mind you, but I like the cosiness of it all, and the wrapping up and staying in by the fire. I love Christmas. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that I was born in the Autumn/Winter time? Some people suggest you have an affinity with the time of year you are born? But once again I feel like I'm mourning time passing by. It's makes me sad that I can't do anything about it too.

I always thought I wouldn't mind the growing old bit, but since the arthritis and fibromyalgia has kicked in my body just wont behave like it could do at my age. I am not old! I still want to do things but sometimes I just can't. I hurt too much and sometimes I ache until I cry. I always thought I would be one of those fit and healthy women, growing old, going to pubs and dinner and being surrounded by friends as we sip our wine making idle chitchat, laughing. It isn't turning out to be like that. I think that's why I am sad. I need to focus on my strengths and look to a good future instead, but I still feel that tinge of sadness as the season's change and become warmer. Another year gone, another year flying past. 

I wonder if anyone else feels like this or is it just me?

A Diamond Wedding Anniversary is a real milestone!

Today is all about preparation. My parents 60th Wedding Anniversary is coming up on the 21st March, and I need to order the cake and sort out the advert in the paper. I've already done the request to the Queen's household for a card. Did you know you can do that? I didn't until a customer mentioned it last year, and I tucked it away in my mind until now. Apparently there are certain anniversaries you can request a card, one of them being the Diamond Wedding Anniversary. It is considered a milestone, and it is indeed! 

How amazing to spend 60 years of your life with the same person!

I am in my second marriage, and we will celebrate our 27th Wedding anniversary this year. If I add my 10 years marriage to my previous husband to these 27 years I have been married over half my life! I actually feel quite sad that I can't state I have been married to the same person for all those years, although it doesn't detract from the fact I love Neil very much. I did love my previous husband too, but it just didn't work out. I wonder if, in the future, many people will celebrate such a milestone? It's so easy to get a divorce, and many people just live together now anyway. Those little celebrations will fade away in to an old fashioned memory of a passed time, and will probably appear in history books? I even have to look up the list of what each anniversary is and the gift associated with it now, as that is considered an old fashioned tradition. 

My parents know our current situation and would be cross with us if we bought an expensive gift, but it's hard to let such a milestone go by without giving something to mark it. I was going to buy one of those bird feeding stations as I know mum would like that, but actually I may go for a commemorative sundial because that would look nice in their garden. I'm getting one of those commemorative newspaper books anyway. We've already done the family book of their life, book of their marriage, wedding photos, etc for previous anniversaries so I need to come up with something new. I didn't realise how few pictures they have of their wedding day, or even photos of them together, so that's made the choice of picture for the newspaper advert a little more challenging. I think I've picked one but will confer with Neil first. 

I know that it isn't always bliss to live with someone, and I know mum and dad have had their challenges. Their generation is one of resilience coming out of the Second World War. Mum didn't wear the traditional bridal dress on her day, just a smart suit. She was German (she has had British Nationality for many years now), and met my dad when he was in the Airforce based in a town where she was a music teacher. She couldn't speak English and dad only spoke a bit of German, yet somehow they got on and fell in love. When mum came to England to marry dad she still couldn't speak English. I can't imagine what difficulties that caused, especially as they lived with my grandparents, and dad's brother and two sisters all in the same house, at first. Mum's family in Germany were considered rather well off. Dad's family was not quite in the same position. It must have been hard for them both, but their generation would rarely have countenanced divorce. You were married, and you stayed married whatever the problems. 

Only yesterday they made us laugh with their memories of that time. Mum told us that one of dad's friends took her aside and asked her what she was doing going out with dad as he was known as 'Mad Martin'. My mind boggles at what stories he can tell us, and I hope to try and record some of them at some point. I know he had a bet that he wouldn't jump in to a particular river, but he did and he won the money. He was apparently a daredevil, but I have also heard from my Aunty that he was just the same as a child. Yet to me he looks so quiet and shy in his old photos! Dad also told us about some of the things he did as a child, like jumping off the roof of their lean-to with a sheet round his shoulders because he wanted to fly, and putting fireworks in the old vegetable bins by the lampposts in their road and watching them explode. Stories I have not heard before, and need to write down! I know far more about mum's life as a child as she had it quite different from dad. Her town was bombed regularly as it was next to the main railway line going to the industrial area. On the other hand I get stories from dad about going down the river all the time and fishing, and getting in to trouble from his mother as he had taken all the sausages from the pantry to use as bait. His childhood seemed a little more idyllic than my mothers. Different countries, different areas, different experiences, but they still fell in love. 

I did finally ask mum yesterday if she needed us to move in with them. As I've said before, her comment two weeks ago was praying on my mind a lot. Did they need us more than they were saying? Well mum was adamant that she and dad are perfectly able to manage with most things, and Neil and I are not to worry. Obviously they need help with certain chores now, but she was very forceful in stating that they are not at all in a situation where we need to worry about them. Apparently my Uncle Keith's comment was a joke. So I've been worrying for nothing! But I did say to Neil later that we still need to get a plan together, and work out costings just in case. I don't want to be caught totally unprepared if we need to move in with them. 

For now, we are all looking forward to that little celebration. A getting together of the immediate family and a day of catching up and reminiscing. I hope to hear some more new stories that I can add to my ancestral tree notes. Ones I can keep and smile at forever...…….

https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/organising-and-planning/the-complete-wedding-anniversary-guide_850.htm

When you just want to read about something nice........

In amongst the worst of humanity, when you read about all the horrors in this world, yesterday's story of the Sheffield Plane Bypass, brought about by the story of Tony Foulds, really shows that people do care. It showed that ordinary people everywhere can come together.

Every day when you see the news on television, read the papers, look on line, there are stories that make you cry, that make you angry, make you horrified and yes, happily, even some that make you smile. I've always said that maybe years ago, all these things happened just as much. They always happened, but now we have so many more ways of bringing it to the notice of people that it's pretty much right in your face. The horrors of knife crime, the horrors of murder, are pretty much every day reported occurrences now. I recall, over thirty years ago, that we were devastated by a murder within our family. It hit all the front pages of the main papers and for days after, until the perpetrator was found, it was the main topic of the media. Today things like that 'seem' to happen regularly, and you will now see the coverage of a murder on the third page, or even further in the newspaper rather than on the front page. It's so sad that the taking of a life can be considered as less important than Brexit, for example! Of course there are some murders, some stories that still hit the headlines and those are the ones that do shock you to the core. It makes you realise that there are some intrusively wicked people in this world. 

I think that's why, when something wonderful and uplifting happens the country, the world, rejoices and comes together. It's like a relief that actually, yes there are good people around, nice people, people who care. In amongst the nasty bits there are the nice bits of life. It brings it home that on the whole people are good. People do care about other people, and people do want to help each other. But I do also feel that it is sad that stories like that of Tony Foulds become so huge, almost as if it isn't the norm. 

I would like to think that the world is a nice place. I know it isn't always. I try to avoid reading the hateful nasty media reporting that goes on sometimes. 

On my FB feed I request not to have certain stories shown so I can avoid them. It isn't because I don't care. It's because I can't stop thinking about them afterwards. I don't want to be scared about living, or scared my parents will get hurt by some burglar entering their house, or my cats hurt, or anyone else hurt. It isn't a blindness to the nastiness in this world but a desire to surround myself with niceness instead. There are people who say you should broadcast the cruelty to animals for example, or the famine in other countries, all the horrors, because that is how they will be stopped. Awareness is all. But sometimes, when you are happily clicking through your FB feed, you don't want to unexpectedly come across an article about, for example, how people in China treat dogs ( I say no more). Stories like that make me cry. Yes they should make me cry, because they are horrific and maybe, just maybe, if we band together as a society we can change they way that horror is happening, but I still don't want to see it. If that makes me a bad person or a heartless person or an inconsiderate person to someone, then I hold my hands up. That may be the perception of some who are wholly passionate about certain points, and I commend them for it, but to me I just need sometimes not to know. It doesn't make me a bad person. I do care, very much. But sometimes it's all too much for me personally. I admire anyone that has the strength to fight and put all the horrors out there for us to be aware, but please just sometimes I want to be able to see the nice stuff. The story of Tony Foulds and his dearest wish coming true was one such story that made lot of people smile. In this world that is no bad thing is it? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcWjblVI2h0

Tony's flypast, 22nd February 2019

Every time I hear about the story of Tony Foulds it brings a tear to my eye. What an amazing man and how fitting that his dream will come true today.

On this day, in 1944, a plane carrying 10 American airmen crashed in a park where Tony was playing as a child. He tells a story of how, as the plane came in low, the children in the park thought the men in the B-17 bomber were waving to them, until they realised they were actually waving for them to get them out of the way. The children did manage to run out of the way to safety, but the plane sadly crashed in the woods nearby with all ten men dying. Those men sacrificed their lives for the children and the people in the surrounding houses. If they had crashed on the houses the devastation and loss of life would have been huge. The whole episode obviously made a huge impression on Tony, because when a memorial was erected in 1977 Tony has tended to it every single day. He has weeded the area, and kept it clean and tidy and honoured those men ever since.

It was a chance meeting with a BBC reporter as he walked his dog that made the events today possible. Tony chatted to Dan Walker and mentioned that it was his dream to have a fly past. Well today, by the power of the media and one very special man, that flypast to honour those men is happening. The flypast is not just to honour the men who died but also Tony Foulds, for his dedication and care. 

I cant help but shed a tear for this man today as I watch the BBC today. I watched him cry on television when he realised his dream would come true, and my tears are happiness that this is happening for him. Read his story in the links and smile for him. What a truly amazing man. Today we honour those that died that day, and we honour Tony for his dedication. 


https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-south-yorkshire-46762440/sheffield-man-s-pride-tending-to-plane-crash-memorial

https://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/news/uk/pensioner-breaks-down-as-dan-walker-helps-flypast-tribute-dream-come-true/

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/01/22/ww2-plane-crash-memorial-honoured-fly-past-pensioner-sparked/

https://www.edp24.co.uk/news/raf-lakenheath-to-perform-fly-past-for-lost-airmen-after-pensioner-s-bbc-campaign-1-5861075

https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=4z8pSzf3&id=43B7CBC929B7F940C9C7DE1B97A1312D690CB73B&thid=OIP.4z8pSzf3VRgPFgpcU9TNqQEsCs&mediaurl=http%3a%2f%2fwww.marketoracle.co.uk%2fimages%2f2019%2fFeb%2ftony-foulds-bbc-flypast-us-bomber-crash.jpg&exph=418&expw=728&q=tony%27s+flypast+22+feb+2019&simid=607986425106269096&selectedIndex=25&ajaxhist=0

Things we can learn from a cat!

Did you know cats need to sleep between 15 and 20 hours a day to be healthy?

Sometimes I wish I could do the same. I've woken up this morning all bleary eyed, having had a rubbish night's sleep. To see a couple of my cats blissfully sprawled out on my bed this morning filled me with inane jealousy. Cat's are creatures of habits. Right now Mr Chester is sat almost on my arm purring away like a base drum in my ear, his face inches from my shoulder, staring at me. He knows my morning routine is to sit on the sofa with a mug of black coffee, watching the BBC morning news, slowly letting my body come alive. Every morning I do this, although it can be at various times of the early morning. He's patiently waiting for me to put my arm around him so he can rest his head on it and go back to sleep. Instead I'm writing this blog, so he's having to wait.

Cat's can teach us many things. All animals do. They like to nap. Yep that's a good one. Get plenty of rest. A nap can make you feel much more ready to face the world. Catch fifteen minutes or so and you can be ready to get on with your day again. It can improve brain function and memory,  help you to focus and improve creativity. Hmmmm maybe I can do this at work? Somehow I don't think it would go down that well!

Cat's show lots of love. Ah, now there is nothing like the love of a cat. Regular affection and bonding make the strongest of relationships. Constant checking on your mate/friend/partner can help you to stay close. Purring shows you are happy (though cats can purr when they are in pain) just like our smiles. Cat's play together and stay together. They show appreciation of each other. All things we can do to help build relationships. I must cuddle Neil more!

Cats groom themselves. A bit of a lick and a paw round the ears and they are ready for the world. I find a bit of lipstick and mascara helps me get  ready to face the world. Note to myself, polish my shoes more often!

Cat's notice their surroundings and stay alert, even when sleeping. Last year I learnt all about Mindfulness and meditation. It really helped me to relax and think about what was going on right in the moment rather than the 'what if's'. Appreciating my surroundings and what is happening, really focusing, has helped me overcome a few things. Cat's do that all the time. 

Stretching. A good stretch does the body the world of good. Ever seen a cat stretch? The bliss and joy they obviously feel shows in their whole body. It helps them keep flexible and does the same for us. Just tell my body that when it doesn't want to work! Horrible arthritis!!

Be patient. It will happen. It will come to you. Cat's are incredibly patient, unless they only have a half filled food bowl. Then they are not! But being patient can help you cope with all the little knocks you get in life. Neil and I are having a bit of a knock right now but I know it will pass. I just need to know it will pass soon if I am honest *sigh*.

Cat's are curious. Be curious. They always want to see what is happening, and know what is going on. I'm obviously a cat......I want to know about everything. At work I am known for often asking questions. I like to know why, when, what if, all sorts. I learn so much and love talking to people. Yes, I must be a cat!

Eat well. I will confess Hugo eats pretty much anything at any time, which is getting him a little pot belly. I need to keep an eye on that. I need to keep an eye on my pot belly too. I should learn from Mr Dylan who will only eat his own nourishing cat food full of all the necessary vitamins and minerals, and maybe has the odd treat of a bit of beef now and again. He's choosy about what treat he has too. A lesson learned......less cake, more balance for me. Dylan is sleek and fit. Hmmmm. 

Look before you leap. A cat always does this. They may not always get it right, as Murphy shows when he aims for the table and doesn't quite make it. But he has assessed the situation and yep, if we do that too, even if we fail at least we've done the ground work. Cat's will try and try again too. Keep positive and push yourself. You'll get there in the end. (Murphy does....)

Just watch the animals around us. We can learn so much from them. They live in harmony. Oh yes, they do have the odd spat but tend to get over it quickly. There is always the odd rogue one, but on the whole animals can show us how to live in harmony and peace. Maybe our politicians could learn a lesson or two from them!!

The hey day of video rental......

Oh I do like a rubbishy film! You know, the type that you groan at and think is absolutely rubbish with cheap effects, yet you still watch it. There's something satisfying at picking a film to bits thinking you can do better. We have Virgin Media TV and their Horror channel has some classics like Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus, Deathgasm, Sharkzilla, The Giant Claw, and more. These are low budget B Movies and not even remotely art house or even worth the money, but if you have a free channel, a free hour or so and need a giggle, just tune in. 

Of course there are times when you want a good film to while away your Saturday night in, when you cant be bothered to go out, or have no money! Now that's when you need a proper film, and that's when Neil and I spend ages trying to work out 'what mood we are in' and what film would suit that mood. It's quite amazing how long you can scroll through films on Virgin Media or Netflix with your partner going "No....no....maybe....no...nope" before you get a little ratty. That cosy 'Saturday night in' could end up with the 'Saturday great fight' instead. Neil and I like a spot of Science Fiction or Action Films, I like Dramas and he likes War films. You can see the problem here? How to find a film we both like that suits our mood. Once we've (finally) picked our film then we have to get the 'munchies'. You know, the popcorn, crisps, snacks, drinks.....alcohol or not?......hot or not. You see the idea is not to move at all once the film starts, so you have to gather everything together and plonk it on the sofa or table, as close as possible to you both, so it's within arms length. Oh, and woe betide anyone that has to pop to the loo during the film and it has to be paused. I accidentally pressed fast forward instead of pause once. It took us half and hour to get back to where we had left the film! Oh the perils of home entertainment. 

Bring back the hey days of renting a video. I used to work for Ritz Video, who were then taken over by Blockbuster Video, and thoroughly enjoyed it. The days when everyone wanted the latest video release for their Saturday night, and there was an offer on and you could hire two films for £2.50, were such fun. The place would buzz, and customers would ask your advice on the best films. We were lucky because the films would come in a week early and we could watch them free, the idea being that knowledge was sales. We all watched some films that are absolute classics today. Think Wayne's World, Terminator, The Shawshank Redemption, Forrest Gump, The Green Mile, There's Something about Mary and so on. There would be a number of us working on a Saturday evening, some to serve, and some to 'floor walk'. Great name huh, Floor Walkers, but it was something I was good at. Telling customers what the films were about, directing them to the type of films they wanted, telling them the offers, keeping the shop floor tidy and suggesting the snack and drink offers. Meanwhile my work colleagues would keep the momentum going by serving fast and keeping up the banter. People flocked to our shop and even now, almost thirty years later I still get people recognising me from working there. All I can say is that we got to know our regulars very well, and it was an enjoyable job. When we changed to DVDs it was just as good, except the price went up! 

Home Entertainment has changed now. People have computers and Netflix and downloads, and everything is at their fingertips. You don't have to go out and hire a DVD now as you can just buy it on line and stream it. 

When Neil and I can afford it we like to treat ourselves to the cinema. The last film we saw was the amazing Bohemian Rhapsody. I thought I wouldn't be able to cope with a Freddie Mercury lookalike, but after a while you just forgot and simply stayed along for the ride. Amusing, entertaining and sad, everything you want for Saturday night entertainment. Just bring your own snacks and drink as the prices are atrocious!!! 

I feel a bit old writing about Videos and DVDs and staying in on a Saturday night. Maybe I should write about my clubbing nights? Now that would make you raise your eyebrows. What fun I had. What secrets I have. What hangovers I had! Watch this space...…

PS I did make those cakes yesterday 😀(Snacks for watching films?)

The 7am bake a cake moment.......

I like to buy food magazines and take a great interest in the recipes. I rip out any that I think are interesting and that I might cook, and then place them in a pile that I never look at again! Well, I do try a few new recipes but on the whole, I will be honest, the pile of ripped pages just sit there. I eventually chuck them away! 

A little while ago I read an article in the Delicious magazine which made me smile. It was all about making New Year resolutions and how we would probably get on better if we did something like make a different meal every month, or leave it until the spring when we are all feeling more motivated. Just enjoy the winter months and wrap up warm and cosy and relax instead. It struck a cord with me, as a person making many resolutions that fail after a few weeks. I have little will power and can't 'diet' to save my life. I like food and love to prepare it. I know I should stick to my father's 'little and often does you no harm' mantra and my parents are a shining example of elderly discipline, but I'm naff at it. Both my brother and I have addictive personalities. My brother likes his glass of wine, a bit too much I think. I've been there, when the one glass of red wine after dinner turns in to two, then three, and soon you are having a bottle a night. It's a big secret but many, many people do exactly that, and drink far too much. It's been happening for years. I stopped when I had to take medication for my arthritis. I can't drink with the tablets and I didn't find it difficult to give up the wine for a painless night of sleep. Maybe that was my saving grace? But I do like a piece of cake. I know I am overweight. My BMI thingy is probably too high. I am a comfortable size 16 and that's where my body happily sits. I can be a loose 16 or a tight 16 depending on what I have been doing, hormones, how much I've pigged out on a weekend, or even how I am feeling. If I want to be a smaller size I have to be really ridged about what I eat, and to be very frank I don't want to do that. I am being totally honest here. Don't get me wrong it's not all we eat. I do also eat a lot of vegetables and salads, and Neil and I cook from scratch much of the time. But we also like a cake or dessert after dinner and sometimes in the evening. It's all a balance, but I'm not as good as I should be about the 'balance' bit. 

Still, I detract from what I was on about! The article in this magazine inspired me to bang off an email and I got a lovely reply straight away, which was nice. Since Neil has been out of work I haven't bought a magazine as I consider it to be a luxury, but it doesn't stop me flicking through them in a shop. Imagine my happy surprise when I looked through the February issue of 'Delicious' to see my email in print! Not only that but it was the 'star email'. (prize of £75 to spend in Majestic wines) Well I had to buy the magazine of course. I did mean what I said in my email too, so today is my 'cake day'. I'm going to try and bake it in a minute so it's cooked before I visit my parents later. I'll bake Neil's favourite, but I'll also make some flapjacks with a variation like seeds in so Neil won't realise. A new recipe. I'll get some healthy bit in there somehow!! It's far cheaper than buying any, and at least I know what's in them. Yesterday before work I trawled my place of work looking at the cakes and health bars, as I thought I would buy something instead of making it. Maybe it's because Neil isn't working that I am more aware of what I am spending, because I was horrified at the price. I suppose I've never really had to check the price before as we could buy what we liked pretty much. It's different now, and yes I admit I was not impressed. I didn't want to spend £2.50 on five healthy oat bars when I can make them myself, nor did I want to spend £3.65 on a sponge cake when I could easily make one for far less cost. So I'm off now to bake, and fill the house with the smell of fresh cake. A lovely smell, and one which may just wake up Neil :-). Have a lovely day...……

When your mum makes a comment........

Something is preying on my mind very heavily. I couldn't sleep last night as something mum said on Saturday popped in to my head. We were talking about my uncle Keith, dad's younger brother, and she laughed and said "Keith said 'hasn't Carla and Neil moved in yet'"? Funny enough the conversation moved on and we didn't comment, but I suddenly remembered her words in the night. Now I can't stop thinking about them. 

Years ago, when there were huge articles in the newspapers about care homes and nursing homes and the abuse and horror some people had suffered in them (still happens sadly), my parents and Neil and I had a big conversation about it all. I assured them that this would never happen to them, because Neil and I would move in with them to give support when they needed it. Neil and I discussed it at length and decided that was the best and easiest idea to do, and then, like you do, it was put to the back of our minds. Now mum has made that comment I am worried they need our help more than they are letting on. I know the time has been coming when we would have to look at their situation, and move in, but for some reason I thought that was a while off. Maybe not?

So now, if I am totally honest, I am actually scared. Scared because the logistics of moving in with my parents will be hard and it will, again if I am being frank, be a huge change for Neil and me. Our lives will be different, and not as easy as it is now. I am aware that sounds really selfish, sorry. Not only that but we have four fairly young cats and they live in doors, and are very definitely not worldly wise or have any road sense. How to keep them inside at my parents house with a father who forgets mum is in the garden, even though he has walked past her to go in to the house, locks the back door, and then pops out to the paper shop leaving her stuck in the garden, is something I really haven't wanted to think too deeply about before now. I did say that we could 'cat proof' the garden using a company called Protectapet, but they have garages and trees and all sorts that the cats can climb on and leave the garden, and a big main road running at the end of their road three houses along. How silly is it for me to worry about that ,when my worry should be what made my mum mention what Uncle Keith said? 

Do they need us to move in now? Has that time come? Are they struggling more than they have said? I know my parents haven't wanted to ask us for too much help since Neil was diagnosed with anxiety and Diverticulitis, but maybe they have been hiding some problems? My dad's Prostate cancer PSA count results last week were really low, so I know he is still in remission. Mum seems to be coping with dad being slightly forgetful, and the house doesn't look too bad. Yes there are things that need doing. A new carpet in mum's bedroom. The hallway needs decorating and the garden needs looking at, but it's all cosmetic. I don't know how we will sort out sleeping arrangements as mum and dad have separate rooms, as do Neil and I right now (see previous posts), but I suppose that's all little things compared with the fact I need to sit down and have a proper talk to my parents. Neil and I need to really have a look at what moving in with my parents would entail, and look at storage costs for furniture. I need to get prepared now so we don't get caught out. I mean, Neil and I did discuss that if it came to it I would move in with my parents, and he would come for meals but still sleep at our house while we sort out a probably, possible situation. That would not be an ideal situation, so I need to knuckle down and start preparing for this potential scenario. Writing all this down has helped me to realise I need to do some research and preparation in the next couple of weeks, rather than keep pushing it to the back of my mind. Preparation is everything! I'll come back to this...……..

http://sixtyandme.com/what-to-do-when-your-aging-parents-need-help-7-steps-to-get-started/

https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/warning-signs-that-elderly-parent-needs-help-138989.htm

https://www.which.co.uk/later-life-care/housing-options/sharing-a-home/pros-and-cons-of-sharing-a-home-a4c8s8w84dzf

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/

https://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/money/personal-finance/care/caring-for-elderly-relative

Some days you shouldn't get out of bed!

I am having a 'duvet afternoon' right now. We had to pop out to get a new toilet brush first, though. Neil was too vigorous using it and managed to snap it in half. You can't clean a toilet properly without a loo brush! Anyway, after a glorious roast lunch I am sitting here with a blanket over my legs, listening to Finding Nemo on the television, writing all this. I've had a good mug of black coffee and some luscious Raffaello sweeties (my favourite) so now I am quite warm and relaxed.

It's a good job I am like this now because I had such a silly Saturday. Whatever I did seemed to go wrong. Ever had 'one of those days'? Well I sure did yesterday! I got up ok, nice and early, and changed all the beds. By the time Neil got up I had already washed and tumble dried the first lot. I was on a roll, and it was going to be a good day.

In the car on the way to our usual visit to my parents I was lamenting the fact that my car, which we were in, was so dirty. The conversation went something like this....
Me - " I must wash this car as there's dog pooh all over the driver door. Have you seen it?"
Neil - "Blimey, it must be a huge dog to shit so high up on the door like that?"
Me - " Oh, no I mean cat pooh, ermm,...….."
Neil - (grinning)
Me - " ah, I mean bird pooh. Shut up Neil!"

It got worse.
Me - " You know the back windscreen is so dirty I couldn't see out of it yesterday. I'm not sure if it is inside or outside. You know what would be good?"
Neil - "No, go on...."
Me - "....a rear windscreen washer. You could just clean the window then."
Neil - "You have a rear windscreen washer"
Me - "No I don't"
Neil - "Yes you do. It's here......(demonstrating a flick and hold of the wiper switch so the washer released the liquid to clean the rear window). If you had read the car manual.....?"
Me - " The car manual is for all Ford Fiestas and my car doesn't have everything it says about"
Neil - "It has a rear windscreen washer switch"! *smirk*
Me - *dirty look at Neil*

Bah! We get to my parents house and mum puts the kettle on for us to have a cuppa. Neil and I have brought over a cool bag and ice blocks for our youngest son to pick up later in the day. I wanted to go to the loo, but decided to go and put the ice blocks in the freezer in my parents garage first. I marched outside, unlocked the garage door, opened it and entered the garage. The door flung itself violently shut behind me and locked! The key was on the outside! Ahhhhhhh! Calm down, I thought. Someone will come in a minute. I put the ice blocks in the freezer, closed it.........and snapped the freezer handle off. Oh noooooooo. Now I was stuck in a locked very cold garage with a freezer handle in my hand and I really badly wanted to empty my bladder! For ten minutes.....yes it took them all that long to realise I still hadn't returned...…...I paced the garage muttering "don't wet yourself" over and over to myself until I could hear footsteps and dad came to rescue me. To say he looked incredulous at the freezer handle in my hand as I raced by him shouting "thanks but I need to use the loo" was nothing short of hilarious. Three minutes later I was relieved to be explaining my predicament as my dad and Neil just shook their heads at me. Humph, as if they haven't ever done anything like that?

Later after a nice cuppa we all went for a wander in the garden to check out some fences that need mending or replacing. Dad and Neil went off to the far end, and mum and I happily pottered about checking out the plants.
" Ooooh look mum you have a mushroom growing" says I. Fascinated we both peer at the quite large pale grey 'cap' and mum tuts at what a state her garden is in. When the men finally appear I tell my dad how brilliant it was that he had a mushroom in the garden. " Look" I say excitedly " see it's there". Dad looked at the mushroom and then looked at me and laughed. "You need new glasses. It's an egg shell, look...….." and he neatly hooked up the mushroom 'cap' and turned it over. Sure enough it's half an egg shell. Dad left me muttering to myself about the fact it looked like a mushroom and why did anyone have half an egg shell upside down in their garden anyway...……

By the time we got home and had lunch I'd managed to tip the shopping over the floor accidentally, upend my pate on toast lunch so it landed on the floor (upside down) and slop coffee over my clean jeans. 

Some days you know you shouldn't have got out of bed! I compensated myself with drinking copious amounts of wine during Saturday evening while watching a documentary about Queen and Freddie Mercury. Some days you just need wine.

Communication is the key to knowledge

Even after all these years being together with Neil I can still get I wrong. I thought we were pretty good at talking to each other or at least being intuitive about each other's feelings, but nope, this morning proved me wrong. 

I am an early riser and Neil always was the same , mainly because his work start time was 6am. It's the best time of the day to me and I relish the peace and quiet. One of the frustrating things....to me.....about Neil being off work with his anxiety and diverticulitis, has been what I have perceived as a new habit. He hasn't been getting up until about 8am. Now in the beginning I thought it was just because he needed the sleep to recuperate, but then, I confess, it started to irritate me. I wondered how he would cope if he had to get up early again when he got a job?  How would he manage to get out of this habit of going to bed late and getting up late? 

Well I was all wrong I am ashamed to admit. I cant remember how it came up in a conversation but we ended up discussing the mornings and how we had slept the night before. As I've said before, because of the problems I have with the sciatica in particular recently, and then Neil being restless at night due to the anxiety, we have ended up sleeping in separate beds. Neither of us like it particularly but there is no doubt we sleep better. In fact the other night Neil managed to stay in our normal 'marital' bed and I didn't sleep a wink because I felt disturbed by him being here. What an appalling situation we are in now! I know a lot of people have separate bedrooms and beds but we never intended to do so. 

Anyway in this conversation Neil explained to me that he was generally awake from around 5.30am, drifting in and out of sleep. He always hears me get up, even though I try to be quiet, but lets me have my morning time to myself. He said he knew how important this hour or so of quiet and 'me time' is to me, and he didn't want to disturb me. I was, and still am, touched by his thoughtfulness because he is so right. I do need this quiet morning time. I feed the cats and they go back upstairs to lie on my bed. I potter about for a few minutes, make a cup of black coffee and go and sit and listen to the news. Sometimes I even meditate for ten minutes or so. I like to get ready for the day by myself and until he mentioned it, I hadn't really thought about what it means to me. It's really important. Sometimes Chester cat comes and has a cuddle with me. Sometimes I check up a few things on the computer. Sometimes I write this blog. But what is important is that I am by myself for a little while to 'gather my thoughts and prepare for the day'.

It made me realise that, in amongst Neil's stress and bad times, he still was thinking of me and that has touched me beyond belief. Even in his darkest times he still wanted me to have this 'me' time. He is an amazing man to understand what I need even as he had his breakdown. It also made me realise that the lack of communication gave me the wrong idea. I thought he was staying in bed for other reasons. Laziness even. How wrong was I, and how cross I feel with myself. I should have just asked him why he was getting up so late but instead I was, I admit, too nervous to question him purely because of the stress he was under. I thought I would be adding to it. I've learnt my lesson....again. Communication is all things. It is so important, and you cannot underestimate how a lack of it can cause all sorts of problems. This is just a simple example, but in the wider greater picture lack of communication has caused a breakdown of relations between governments, countries and even caused wars. 

It's one of the most important things in life. Animals do it, plants do it, insects do it, and we do it, all in our different ways. Keep the lines of communication open and you will rarely have a misunderstanding. 

Communication 
Communication is the act of conveying meanings from one entity or group to another through the use of mutually understood signs, symbols, and semiotic rules.


https://oureverydaylife.com/avoid-lack-communication-relationship-25752.html

http://www.yourthoughtpartner.com/blog/7-ways-to-help-fix-poor-communication-in-the-workplace

I'm trying to be more 'ethical'

Ethical - morally good or correct, relating to moral principles

I'm trying to be more ethical, but I also realise I am not very good at it. I try not to buy makeup tested on animals, I try and make sure my meat is free range and I can trace it's origin, I try to know where the products I buy are made and how, but I'm still not perfect. It takes time to know all about what you are buying with endless research and lots of reading of labels. Two years ago I decided I would become a  vegetarian. I naturally gravitate towards eating pulses and vegetables more than meat and thought I would have no problem becoming vegetarian. My reason to do it was for 'ethical reasons', to help animal welfare, after reading an article I found disturbing. A couple of things happened a number of months down the line. First, I realised I obviously was having way too restrictive a diet. My nails were snapping all the time, my hair wasn't in the best of condition and I felt tired all the time. I was probably missing some vital vitamins or minerals? My fault for not doing my research properly. Second, I was failing miserably by still using leather items such as my shoes, and using makeup that was probably tested on animals. Third, not all cheese is vegetarian, and neither is all wine! In the end I decided what I would do is go back to introducing a wide variety of foods in my diet, including meat, and make sure I knew where my food came from, oh and not buy leather items any more. 

I've stuck to that. I check up about the farms where the meat I buy comes from. I try to buy only free range meat, and fruit and vegetables in season. I encourage Neil to have one meat free day a week at least...….he's an avid carnivore......though the only beans he will eat is baked beans! I can't seem to manage without cheese I am afraid. I've been looking at my makeup too. I do not agree with testing products on animals at all and therefore have switched brands to make sure what I purchase and use isn't. I feel very strongly about this. But I know that I am not being as 'ethical' as I should or could be. For example I have been reading recently about palm oil. Well heck, I must have been wearing blinkers when that information came out! Of course I'd read all about the destruction of the rain forests, but I think I must have missed the point. The repercussions of that destruction, and why it is happening, have made me sad to be from a so called modern progressive society. It's all about demand and supply. Note the way I said it. The demand for palm oil, beef and hard wood, for example, are causing the rapid whole sale destruction of the forests. There are some sustainable products for sale and hopefully I have sourced a few of them. A lot of supermarket own branded products have sustainable sources, so it's worth reading up on their own web sites to get the information if you are interested?

I realise that it takes commitment and dedication to know where your food and the products you buy come from, but if each of us take little steps to check just a couple of items we buy are ethically sourced then maybe the next few generations will not blame us for the state of their earth? Why do I say 'the state of their earth'? Because scientists say that if we carry on the way we are and, for example, the rainforests vanish or the bees die out because we've destroyed their habitat, the earth will be a very different and barren place in the future. Little steps from all of us now will make a huge difference to the future people of our earth!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegetarianism

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/wine/10801226/The-rise-of-vegetarian-wine.html

https://ypte.org.uk/factsheets/rainforests/what-are-the-threats-to-the-rainforests

https://www.peta.org/living/personal-care-fashion/these-companies-dont-test-on-animals/

https://ethicalelephant.com/cruelty-free-brand-list/

https://www.crueltyfreekitty.com/cruelty-free-101/makeup-brands-that-test-on-animals/