Thank goodness for lycra underwear.

In my dreams I would like perkier boobs, slimmer hips and to lose that bit of saggy skin under my chin. Oh the perils of growing older!

Sadly the only one I can really do something about is my hips. If I ate less chocolate, drunk less wine and left those cakes alone, I would be at least four inches smaller in that area. Thank goodness for lycra and elastane in jeans and underwear. I can convince myself I am one size smaller than I actually am by wearing clothing made of that fabric. Mind you have you ever tried to remove knickers that are made of the 'hold in suck you to death but make you look skinner than you are' material in a hurry? Believe me it's not easy. You have to plan your toilet habits like clockwork. Have a drink. Slightly feel the urge. Go now!! Do not wait until you are desperate. The fight you will have holding your legs together while trying to those knickers off will scar you for life. You will never wear them again....until you need to get in to that little fancy dress. 

I have never been small in boob size, lets be honest. It was usually the first thing everyone saw coming, as my waist was pretty tiny and my hips curved. In my teens I was proud to be a model 36B and was lucky enough to be the classic (back then) 36, 24, 36 inch in size. I remember my best friend and I standing at the seashore when I was sixteen, both of us proud in our little bikinis, tanned with that youthful golden glow. It had been a really hot summer. Yes 'that' summer! She turned and looked at me as we chatted about boys, as you do when you are sixteen, and said '.....but you do have an advantage don't you.....' and pointedly looked at my upper regions. She was far more sylph like than I was, and do you know what? All these years down the line I envy the figure she had back then, and even though we have sadly lost touch I am sure she will have retained it. On the other hand my curvaceous figure has expanded and drooped in spite of all the upholstered underwear I can find. It's fought gravity since forever and even though I try and kid myself, my boobs are definitely sloping off towards the ground. It's one of the perils of being 'bigger' rather than slimmer. 

It's great that some fabulous person somewhere realised that some of us are becoming boob and hip challenged and invented that super suck in underwear, but it is all show believe me. Try having a night of passion and undressing when wearing one of those items. The puffing and panting as you peel it all off is not due to anticipation, believe me. Fortunately Neil thinks it is hilarious. I say fortunately, because thankfully I am not trying to impress him. I cannot imagine the disappointment, if I was getting in to that sexy clinch, only for the other person to find out it was just cosmetic after all. I suppose that could sound shallow but I believe it's better the truth than the raised eye brows, especially when you have taken twenty minutes to try and haul yourself out of that statement body con dress!

I've often said I would like a bit of cosmetic surgery to just lift my saggy bits and get shot of the impending chicken neck, but to be honest I am too scared, too broke, and am trying to love myself as I am. I know it's important to do that. To love yourself for who you are. Sometimes, though, that takes a while. As I look back over the years, though, I realise I had a pretty good figure, all in all. My only regret, and it's a frank honest one, is that I never had a nude picture of myself done. That sounds vain but I was asked when I was at college by one of the art boys. He wanted to draw me. I was too prudish and not that worldly wise enough to say yes then, but now I wish I had. It would have been something for me to have kept, and probably embarrass my children with! Funny, but I've never confessed that out loud and yet here I am writing that in a blog for all to read. Amazing what growing old does to you!!