When you support a person with anxiety or depression who supports you?

There was a lot of coverage in the media today about Victoria Pendleton. She has suffered from severe depression, enough to want to end her life. I found it so sad to read her story and realise that she had felt so bad inside. I've never felt that way and I don't think Neil has, even in the depths of both our anxieties. One of the first questions a doctor will ask, if you go to them and say you are feeling anxious or depressed, is 'have you any feelings of wanting to harm yourself?' I remember being appalled when I was asked this, years ago. Absolutely not, I said. Neil also said the same thing to the doctor, and hopefully he didn't see my sigh of relief as I sat next to him. To be honest I think I had been too scared to ask him exactly how awful he felt. Both Neil and I were diagnosed with anxiety (years ago for me, as I've mentioned in a previous post) not depression, though Neil now takes medication for both. Maybe that is why we didn't feel in the dark depths of despair that Victoria Pendleton did? 
https://anxietyexit.com/anxiety-and-depression/

It's interesting what calms a person. We have four cats, not that we intended to have that many! Neil and I have always shared our lives with cats, and I've grown up having cats involved in our family. You can probably tell I like cats very much? But did you know it's been clinically proven that owning a pet, or having a pet in the family, can help you feel calmer? Mind you it can be anything but calming if you have young pets racing around! Ours are aged four and seven so that manic time has passed, just about. Apparently a person with anxiety may feel calmer by focusing on the needs of something or someone else, and a pet provides a good distraction. Certainly our four boys do give us lots of happiness, and when you have a cat in the crook of your arm fast asleep it is rather soothing to the soul. Maybe that's why cat cafes are doing so well? Eat good food in a calming environment with cats around. How much better can it get? Well maybe things like volunteering at an animal rescue centre, or a hospital or a library or whatever takes your fancy? The problem with some types of mental health is that the 'whatever takes your fancy' just isn't there, that's why you feel the way you do. 

My work helps to distracts me from what is happening with Neil. 

I feel guilty when I leave him but have to get on with my life while being supportive. I need to work anyway, or we will struggle financially, but it isn't easy to walk out the door when you know the person you love and care for feels so anxious. 

I didn't know the range of emotions I would go through over the last couple of months either. While Neil has had a lot of the physical symptoms I think I have had the emotional symptoms? I've felt worried he was suffering, scared he wasn't managing, angry our lives had changed so much, happy when I could see glimmers of the husband I knew before. It's actually really hard to find information to help the person supporting someone with anxiety or depression, because sometimes the whole situation can be overwhelming. Just because you appear strong doesn't mean you actually are. I was fortunate because my DM at work had been signed off for two weeks and then returned to work just before Neil was diagnosed. He spoke to me about how he had felt, and how it's often hard for the man to admit there is a problem. Even better for me (sorry) was the fact he talked about how his wife had felt because they had talked about it together. I've been quite careful to appear the strong person around Neil, after all he's always supported me, but inside I have struggled. It's good to know someone who has experienced something similar to Neil is around for me to ask questions and talk to at least. I do understand that Neil and I need to keep the lines of communication open too.

So now all I need to do is stroke our cats, and get Neil to do the same, and we are on our way to healing.. Sounds flippant but actually it does help, unless you trod in cat vomit or a cat squeaky toy at 2am!!!!! So let's test the scientific study and try it. A cat cuddle every day. Watch this space...……..