I have immense pride in the British NHS but sometimes it is under so much pressure.
Neil was told three weeks ago, after his day appointment, that he would need another colposcopy under anesthetic in four weeks to take a biopsy. He hadn't received an appointment by the end of last week, and after telephoning to find out what was happening, was told to try again this week. He rang the hospital today to chase up the appointment and was told that he couldn't be seen until the end of February, early March. No operation until then, and they still couldn't give him a definite date. It's knocked him flat and edged up his anxiety considerably because, as he says, he just cant move forward with his life. Neil can't apply for any jobs because we don't know what is going to happen over the next couple of months, or whether he is going to need more operations or treatment. On the one hand I suppose it's good that it's going to take longer to have this operation in a way, because if the hospital thought his Diverticulitis polyps were cancerous they would have surely rushed the appointment, but they haven't. Therefore the conclusion for us must be that the doctors think the polyps are benign? That's positive. What's sad is that it appears to have pushed Neil back a little in how he is feeling in himself. Still, I have shoved the Lego over to him, and hopefully that will take his mind off it all? :-) I'll have to buy him some more soon!
It may come across all flippant when I talk about Neil making Lego models and what's going on, but you have to balance your life between the rough and the smooth. Work hard, but make sure you rest and relax too. We've always tried to divide our weekends up in to visiting my parents, food shopping and then trying to chill. Sunday has always been a family day with a roast lunch. Now the boys have grown up and left home to live with their partners, Neil and I try to make sure Sunday is 'our day'. We don't always do much. Maybe go for a short walk along the beach in the summer, or for a picnic in the New Forest, or have a 'duvet day' in the cold winter. Sometimes I'll cook us a roast dinner, or we just have cheese and crackers. It's the time spent together that's important to us. We did say last year that we would try to have a night out at least once a month but that's gone by the wayside. 28 years ago when we were going out we didn't really have anywhere to go as we had hardly any money. We would sit in the car for hours on end, wrapped in blankets, and listen to tapes with our favourite music on. The sun would set in the evening,and the views were beautiful where we parked, and we would just be content in our own company. Once we got our flat all we wanted to do was stay inside, be warm (!) and relax after work. It all sounds idyllic, but it was a difficult time in reality. My past has been a bit muddled, and I've made a few mistakes, but love has seen us through!
Love is what has held us together through these last couple of months too. We have eventually been able to talk about how we've both been feeling. Our lives and relationships are still a work in progress, as is everything, but we all learn as we go along. Every day is a learning day! So things I have learnt today....
1. If you make the effort to smile at people they will usually smile back at you.
2. A cuddle makes all the difference when you are feeling a bit down.
3. That box of Quality Street you bought reduced, after Christmas to save for Easter, tastes great when you desperately need chocolate.
4. A cat purring next to you is extremely calming, and can send you to sleep when you are sitting on the sofa relaxing after stuffing yourself with chocolate.
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