Just to explain again, by October 2018 Neil was under extreme stress at his work of 22 years. It had been going on for almost a year and a half, and after a lot of talking between us we decided to reduce a lot of our outgoings and he would look for another job. Scary at the age of 53! Neil decided to give in three months notice with the idea that he could look for jobs during that time, and he duly did this. His notice was to end in the last week of January 2019. Neither of us had realised how much strain Neil had been under, and two days after he had handed in his notice he had a breakdown. Around three weeks after that breakdown he was admitted to hospital for five days with a perforated bowel, due to Diverticulitis. He's had a colposcopy since then, is waiting for a biopsy operation, and is on antidepressants and anxiety tablets. Up to the first week in January he had been getting full pay from his work, but that has now ended. He gets paid a month in arrears so we will have money until part of February. We've applied for Universal Credit, and hopefully will get some money around the 10th of February. Neil can't apply for a job just yet as he has the operation coming up, though we don't know when. I work part time.
I've been living in cloud cuckoo land!
We've still been living like we were before Neil was off. I've just looked at a note in the Universal Credit journal (it's all done on line) and they want details of my housing costs. Obviously it's 'our' housing costs, but as I work part time they will adjust the money they give us according to my income. It's finally brought it home to me that we will have to really tighten our belts, and I need to start waking up to what may happen if we don't. I make direct debit donations to three animal charities every month. I will have to cut those out at the end of this month? Is it silly to admit it breaks my heart to do that? I also research my family tree as a hobby, and so pay a monthly subscription to two family history web sites. I need to stop those at the end of the month. I buy magazines once a month. That is a luxury as I can read those on line so need to cut that out...….I go to the library to borrow books all the time anyway. We eat well but now I need to really look at what we buy. Huh, maybe I will lose weight if I don't eat all the cake and biscuits I've been doing? We bung the heating on at any time, and maybe now I need to think about that too. It all sounds so dramatic but realistically we need to do this, even for a short few months (hopefully) and adjust our way of life.
I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself but I am not. Lot's of people have to do this and we've been incredibly lucky that we haven't had to do it before now. I feel so guilty though, because I haven't told Neil that my credit card is up to it's limit....again.....and I'm using my overdraft. I am absolutely dreading telling him because it's another thing to add to his worry. I've been silly and thoughtless and now have to face the facts. Writing this all here has made it real, and I needed that. I'm not going to beat myself up about the situation because some of it is of my own making, but now I need to change. It's a challenge I will embrace and meet full on because lots of people have to, and I can do it too!
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